Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
