I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
