Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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