singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
