Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
