the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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