Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
