You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
