so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
