My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
