I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You are the jesus of drinking
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
