glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
