I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
