OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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