8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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