She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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