I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
