just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
