dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Screwed.edu
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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