i already hear my dad disowning me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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