she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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