I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
