why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
