omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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