It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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