would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
