If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
