thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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