We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
After tacos, we're chasing women.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
