The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
