While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
