I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
