he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
