im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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