i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
