do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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