so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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