this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
