I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
