If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
