Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
