guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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