I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
