The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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