and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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