You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
