you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
