he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
