I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
