I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
