i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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