He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
