hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
